You Didn't Listen
by obliviousworlds
Summary: None of them did. What about now? More details inside. Warning! character Death. No Wincest. Dean's POV.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys :) So this is something new I've been working on. I haven't really wrote anything like this before so I'm just trying it out for now and seeing how it goes._

_Sam, Dean, and Adam are in this story, even though there IS a character death._

_I've had to change the ages. Dean/16 Sam/14 and Adam/12. So 2 years apart._

_Warnings: Touchy Subject. (suicide) _

* * *

_October 20, 1998. Sioux Falls, South Dakota. _

I watch as the rain falls down outside, how it hits the pavement on the road and makes puddles big enough to jump in. Every few minutes a car passes and slams through the sitting water and when I look at it, it seems like it's in slow motion. Families are in the cars and I can see them smiling. They're _happy_.

I glance around behind me and sigh. We aren't happy.

Adam's sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine. It's the same magazine he's been flipping through for about an hour but hasn't put it down or even bothered to pick up a new one from the magazine rack.

literal distraction.

I glance back out at the window and watch the rain again. Something _I've _been doing for the past hour and haven't been able to get up and do something better with my life.

The wounds are still fresh.

_One Year Earlier. May 7, 1997._

_"So here's the thing." Dad says after sitting me and Adam down on the couch at Bobby's. His eyes bloodshot from crying, just like the rest of ours._

_"Boys." He tries again and runs a hand over his tired face, but he can't seem to get the words out._

_"I'm so sorry..." _

I clench my teeth and glance back over at Adam. He's dropped the magazine on the floor, and is now curled up on the couch with his eyes closed.

I tense up for a moment and sigh of relief when I see the steady rise and fall of his chest.

It's okay.

"Dean."

I glance up at dad when he walks in the doorway. He gives me a smile and walks over to me and kneels down next to me by the window.

"I gotta leave for a few days." He tells me and puts a hand on my head and looks out the window with me. "What are you looking at?" He then asks.

I shrug. "I don't know."

In the reflection of the glass, I see him give me a concerned look but it fades when I turn my head to look back up at him.

"So, your leaving for a few days?" I ask and bring back up what he was trying to tell me.

He nods. "Yeah. A hunt, you know?"

I know.

"I want you to watch out for your brother and go to school okay? Can you do that for me Dean?" He asks me and puts his hand on the back of my neck.

"Yeah." I tell him.

He smiles. "Bobby isn't very far away from here. So call him if you need anything. Okay?"

"Okay."

He pulls me closer to him and hugs me before standing up and going over towards Adam. I watch from the corner of my eye as he wakes him up, then whispers something to him that I can't understand. Probably the same thing he just told me.

Adam only gives him a faint nod. Blonde hair spilling over his eyes as his head bobs. Dad hugs him before covering him with a blanket and standing back up. Adam is already going back to sleep.

I look back out the window when I hear the door close and watch dad grab his things and haul them into his truck. When he gets inside, he looks out his window and waves back at me before heading onto the road, and out to fight evil.

After I can't see the truck anymore, I turn my back to the window and draw my knees up to my chest and stare at Adam. He's asleep again, his breathing evened out into a warm peaceful sleep.

"Guess it's just you and me Adam." I say quietly and let my head rest on my hands.

It's been this way for a year. I can barely remember anything before it.

* * *

_To Be Continued, if you want._


	2. Chapter 2

Back before anything happened, we never stayed in one place for very long. We'd leave as soon as dad was finished with a hunt and that would be that. I'd sit shotgun up front in the impala and Ad and Sam would be in the back seat.

I should have known something was wrong then.

"Dean?"

I glance behind me and sigh before turning back around and leaning back in my chair.

"Something tells me we have a lot to talk about today." Mrs. Simms says as she takes a seat behind her desk and looks at me.

Yeah if you say so.

She's the school counselor. I've been seeing her now for about a month. Ever since I had a breakdown in class not too long ago. It's been against my will, though. Dad thinks she's helping me, but I don't see it that way.

I mean, she's way nicer than the counselor at hospice dad made me see after everything happened. That was a total disaster.

_May 10, 1997. One year earlier._

_"I don't think you understand just how bad this is, Dean." Mrs. Wills had said. "What your brother did was highly preventable." She added and glanced over at Adam._

_"Way to make me feel worse." I remember telling her. "Why are you looking at him like that?" I asked and put my hand on Ad's arm. He was dealing with grief and had yet to talk to me about anything yet. _

_"He's your half brother am I correct?" She asked._

_"What does that have to do with anything?" _

_"Maybe he got jealous of you and Sam, Dean. Because you two came from the same parents. You ever think of that?" _

I remember Adam had gasped, and tears spilling from his eyes as he broke down. None of it was his fault and I had to tell her that a million times before we finally stormed out of there.

That's how I ended up here, but Mrs. Simms doesn't assume all that stuff. She's patient and I'd rather talk to her than anyone else at hospice.

"I talked to your brother earlier." She adds when I don't say anything, making me snap back to the present.

Yeah, she see's Adam too. This school is huge because it has both middle and high school students in it. It makes it easier for me because I can sneak off and check up on Adam whenever I can.

"Did he talk to you?" I ask. I already know the answer.

"No." She tells me. My answer was right.

"I don't know what to do." I tell her honestly. "He hasn't said much since..." I let my sentence trail off and look down.

She nods and gives me a sad look. "This is perfectly normal Dean. Adam is dealing just like you and your father are. He's just doing it in a different way."

I swallow hard and nod. I don't know what else I'm supposed to say.

"Do you wanna talk about Sam now?" She asks. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?"

I feel tears fill my eyes. She doesn't even know what exactly happened and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to tell it over again. Not right now anyways.

"No." I say and look up at her, tears spilling from my eyes. She nods and pushes the box of tissues my way.

"Another day then."

* * *

We've been at this school for about a year now and nothing seems right still. I've made a few friends but I wouldn't even call them friends.

I glance around outside during lunch and sigh of relief when I see Adam sitting at one of the picnic tables. I do this everyday and I always have a panic attack when I first walk outside and look for him.

He's sitting by himself doing homeowork, which isn't at all a surprise. That's what he's always doing. It's kind of hard to make friends when you don't talk to anybody.

"Hey Ad." I say and take a seat across from him. He jumps and looks up at me startled, but his face relaxes when he sees that it's just me.

"Sorry." I tell him and he looks back down at the paper he's doing and faintly nods. "Whatcha doin?" I ask.

He doesn't answer. I didn't think he would but I always have a little hope.

"So Mrs. Simms told me she talked to you today." I go on saying and he looks back up at me and shrugs.

"You okay?" I have to ask. He nods and pulls the sleeves of his hoodie up and over his hands. I don't know why, the thing is already way to big for him.

It's Sam's. Or it _was_ Sam's, and Adam wears it everyday even if it's hot out.

"You gonna let me wash that when we get home?" I ask him. This is always a fight but I have to keep it clean or teachers will expect dad isn't taking care of him.

He nods and I sigh of relief. That's one fight I don't have to worry about now.

When the bell rings, I watch as Adam grabs his things and stands up right when I do.

"I'll meet you by the car after school." I tell him. "Okay?"

He nods again before heading inside and I sigh. I hate feeling this helpless.

* * *

It's silent at home. It always is now, but when dad's home he always tries and talks to us and tries to get a conversation starting. Now I can't even find anything to talk about with Adam and it's not like he would answer me anyways.

"Here." I say and lay the old black hoodie down on his bed carefully. He's sitting at his desk reading a book and he glances back at me and holds his hands out making me smile because damn, he looks just like a toddler again.

I take the hoodie and hand it to him and watch as he puts it on and sighs. "Thanks." He mumbles and goes back to reading his book.

I know it isn't much, but I'll take it.

"Come find me when you get hungry. I'll find something to fix for the both of us alright?" I tell him. But I know I'll be back in here in about an hour dragging him to the kitchen to eat something.

He nods and goes back to flipping through his book.

I think for a moment before walking out. "Adam?" I say, and he looks back at me with tear filled eyes.

"It's okay. I miss him too." I say and walk out slowly.

* * *

_To Be Continued..._

_You'll find out more about Sam later.  
_


	3. Chapter 3

_October 25, 1998_

Tonight, when I'm sure Adam is tucked away safe in bed and is finally asleep, I climb up on the roof from my window and just lay back and look at the stars. I do this a lot, even when dad yells at me about it.

"What if you fall?" He points out and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I won't." I tell him every time.

I sigh and look up at the stars and try and remember what was going on a year ago. My chest hurts whenever I try and think about it but it drives me crazy.

I remember Sam and dad fighting. It was a few weeks before Sam's incident and we were packing up and leaving from somewhere. Kentucky I think it was.

_FlashBack_

_"This isn't fair." Sam had said while sitting on the bed in the newest motel room where we were staying at. "I've made friends here. Why can't we just stay for a little while longer?"  
_

_"Sam that's enough." _ Dad had shouted, not real loud but loud enough to get Sam to look up at him_. "You don't see Dean or Adam sulking about this do you?" _He had said and pointed at the both of us as we were gathering up our things. We were good little soldiers, or that's how dad put it anyways.

_"I'm not them!" _Sam had shouted back_._

_"Yeah, well maybe you should take notes from them. I'm sick of doing this everytime I'm done with a hunt. Why can't you be like your brothers Sam? it would be so much easier on all of us!"  
_

_End FlashBack  
_

I squeeze my eyes shut as tears fill them again. I should have known then, I should have known what dad said was going to far.

I sigh as I let the tears fall. I need to go back inside, I need to go check on Adam, and I need to go make sure every weapon is still in tact in the back room of the house but I feel like laying out here all night. I've done it before.

I sigh and slide down over the edge and climb back in through the window. I have to watch out for Adam right now since there isn't anyone else here.

He's asleep when I go and check on him, but he's got a book in his hand and it makes me smile. That's so _Sam. _I can't tell you how many times I've seen..._saw_...Sam fall asleep with a book in his hands.

I glance at the clock when I walk back in the living room and see that it's midnight. I'm gonna be exhausted tomorow at school if I don't go to sleep now, but what else is new? I've gotten by on a lot less.

I sit down on the couch and glance around when I feel something nearby. Someone's here, but I don't think it's anyone I need to shoot with a sawed off under the couch.

"Sam." I sigh, and that's when I fall into darkness

* * *

When I wake up the next morning, Adam's making himself breakfast in the kitchen. Dad had went grocery shopping before he left, so I figure we'll be good for a while until I'll have to ask Bobby for some help. Adam needs to eat and god only knows when dad will get back.

"Morning kiddo." I say and stretch. He doesn't say anything, just goes and slowly starts eating on his apple jacks.

I glance at the clock and sees that it's six thirty. We have to leave by eight.

"Shower, homework, teeth brushed?" I ask and glance over at him. He gives me a thumbs up.

"Okay. I'll get ready and we'll leave soon." I tell him, but I still don't get an answer from him. An answer that I would like anyways.

At about seven, someone knocks on the door. Adam's resorted to watching t.v. and glances over at me when he hears the knock.

I don't trust him answering the door. God only knows what's on the other side.

"Boys?" I hear Bobby's voice on the other side and relax before opening the door and letting him in.

"Hey Bobby." I answer before walking back in the living room.

"Hey boys. How are you guys doing?" He asks and glances back and forth at me and Adam. Adam sighs and puts his face in one of the pillows on the couch.

I know how he feels. He's _annoyed. _That's what he does whenever someone asks him how he's doing, or just plainly asks us.

_How are you guys doing? I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. Do you need anything? _

That's basically all we've heard this past year. It gets exhausting when you have to give the person the same exact answer every time.

_We're okay. _

Because in reality, we're not. Nothing they provide can bring Sam back, so why are they even offering?

"We're okay." I answer automatically when it gets quiet for a moment.

Bobby gives me a sad look and then glances back over at Adam who's picking at the thread on the pillow and is quietly sniffling.

"Can I talk to you...?" He asks me and glances to the back room. Obviously he doesn't want Adam to hear so I nod and walk back there with him.

"How are you really doing?" He asks when the door is closed.

"How do you think?" I ask, and it comes out way harsher than it should have. I'm just so tired of being asked this.

He glances around the room and I feel tears sting my eyes again. It's full of unpacked boxes and they're all marked with _"Sam" _on the outside.

"You haven't bothered to unpack..." He goes on saying.

"No." I tell him honestly. "No one is. We aren't getting rid of anything either!" I snap and run a hand through my hair.

"Okay." He tells me and nods. "It's okay."

No it's not. Nothing about this situation is okay! Why can't anyone understand that? Adam does. It's not that hard.

I glance at my watch and sigh. "I've got to get Adam to school." I tell him. "And myself." I add when he stares at me. He just nods.

"Don't touch anything. Don't get Caleb or Rufus to come here when we're gone and get rid of his stuff. If you do, so help me god..." I add with a glare and gesture to everything in the room.

"You have my word Dean." He says and follows me out. "But while your dad's gone, I'm gonna check in on the both of you. Okay? I'm worried and I don't like him leaving the two of you alone for very long."

I nod and say okay before walking over and gently tapping Adam on the shoulder. "Come on or we'll be late." I tell him and shrug on a jacket. He rolls off the couch and grabs his things before following me out to the car.

When I pull out onto the road, I glance over at Adam and notice he's glancing ahead then back at me. Like he wants to say something but just doesn't want too at the same time.

"Bobby's just worried about us." I go on saying and look back at the road. It's almost halloween and almost all the houses are decorated for it. If only those dumbasses knew what was really out there.

He just shrugs and goes back to glancing out the window. What he _normally _does anyway.

"It'll all be fine." I tell him when we get to school, but he doesn't even give me a nod when he gets out of the car. He just starts walking into the school leaving me behind.

* * *

After school, I get called in by one of Adam's teachers, science teacher to be exact. I'm in a state of shock and confusion as I follow him back to the classroom because I can't imagine Adam doing anything to get called down.

"Is he in trouble?" I ask when I see my brother leaning against his desk with his arms crossed. He's got a look on his face that says he'll attack at any moment and it makes me swallow nervously.

"No, not at all." Mr. Winthrop tells me and gives me a smile. "Adam's a great student and I'm very proud to have him as one of my students." He goes on saying. What's the problem again?

"I just think he can apply himself a little better is all. I'm very aware of your situation at home and..." He let's his sentence trail when Adam slams his bag down on the desk and glares at him.

"Take it easy." I tell him and put my arm around him where he leans in on me.

"I'm very sorry." Mr. Winthrop says after giving us a moment. "We don't have to talk about this now. Adam's doing great in my class." He adds with a soft smile. "You both can go."

I nod and grab Adam's bag and walk out with him still at my side. This was a total waste.

I put his bag in the backseat and climb in the front with him and sigh as I wait for him to calm down.

"'m sorry." he mumbles quietly and scrubs at his eyes with his fists.

I close my eyes and shake my head. "Just don't even start Adam." I whisper and pull out of the parking lot.

* * *

_To Be Continued..._

_Thanks for the feedback, sorry if this chapter wasn't so good :/ _


	4. Chapter 4

_Nov__ember 15, 1996._

_"Do you think dad will let me go to this party this weekend?" _Sam had asked me one day after school as I was working on the impala. The kid had been moody for days, bickering with dad and even with me and Adam, but it had died down the minute he asked me.

_"What do you think?" _ I asked him as I rolled out from under the car. We were somewhere in Tennessee and I can't even remember exactly where.

_ "Think you could talk to him?"_ He asked as he sat on the hood of the car and gave me his famous puppy dog expression. He could have gotten award with those.

"_I could. But you know it won't do any good Sammy." _

_"It's Sam. Thanks a lot." _He'd grumbled before going back into the house to sulk for what it seemed like forever.

_Now._

Adam's sitting next to me as I work inside the hood of the impala. He's doing his homework and ever so often I'll ask him to hand me something, and he will, but it just reminds me of Sam because this is what he used to do.

"I'm not mad at you Adam." I tell him when I close the hood. "I'm sorry if I seemed like it."

He nods at me and goes back to writing in his notebook.

I sigh and lean against the car. I hate this no talking thing, I know he's grieving but I hate the quiet it brings all the time.

"Ad? Can you just...talk to me?" I ask finally, and that makes him look up at me.

"Nothing to talk about, unless you wanna talk about Sam and I don't." He says and shoots me a glare that could kill.

I wipe my hands on one of the rags that I brought out and nod. "You know you can't keep this bottled up forever. I know your hurting but you can't keep doing this." I say and turn to look at him.

"Watch me." He growls and gathers his stuff up and walks back inside.

* * *

_October 31, 1998_

"Did you want to go out with anyone tonight?" I ask Adam in the living room. He's curled up on the couch watching t.v. and showing no interest in what I'm saying.

He shakes his head and my blood starts to boil.

"If you wanna go out then just go!" He yells with all the venom he has in his voice. "I don't need you. I can take care of myself just fine. Just go."

If the circumstances were normal, then I would. I don't even want to go out tonight but I'm just so sick of seeing him laying around.

"I can't." I finally mumble and lean back against the chair.

"Why not? Afraid I'm gonna go and -"

Without thinking I jump up and grab him by the shoulders and shake him. I shake him not hard but hard enough for him to get the point.

"Shut up." I say through clenched teeth. "Shut your fucking mouth Adam. Don't you ever fucking say something like that to me again. Do you understand?!" My hands are gripping his shoulders so tight I owuldn't be shocked if they left marks.

Tears are in his eyes and he swallows hard before nodding and then he shakes me off and lays back down.

I don't move for a full minute because I feel like I'm gonna be sick. Since when did it all come down to this anyways? Me and Adam never fought before and I'm sickened by just what happened.

But then again, he's never said anything like that to me before. Better me than dad I suppose, things probably would have been a lot worse if he was here. I need to go try and call him and make sure he's okay.

When I get up Adam looks up at me for a moment and it isn't until when I'm walking out of the room, I hear him call my name softly.

"Dean?"

I turn around and walk back over and kneel down next to him. Tears are rolling down his cheeks and it makes him look like he's five years old again.

"Yeah?" I say softly back and put my hand on his head. He flinches at first and that kills me inside, but relaxes when I don't do anything.

"I can't go out...couldn't I mean...even if I had friends." He whispers and sniffs.

"Why?" I ask him.

He waits a minute before answering and that full minute is filled with him sniffling and trying not to break down.

"The same reason you won't leave me alone here." Is what he finally says.

It feels like my throat closes up and tears fill my eyes, but I nod. I get it, I understand.

I pull a blanket over him and tuck it around him and kiss his forehead, something that usually goes against my no chick flick moment rule, but now it's alright.

"I'm gonna go call dad, see if he's okay." I say and he nods, eyes already closing and drifting off into sleep. When I'm sure he's down for the count, I stand up and grab the phone and dial his number as I glance out the window.

I'm met with "_You've reached John Winchester, leave a message at the tone." _

So much for seeing if he's alright.

I sigh and sit back down in front of the window. Memories of what me and Sam used to do on halloween coming back and haunting me and making me smile. Right now, kids are out trick or treating and teenagers like us are out making trouble.

They should cherish those moments, because they can easily be gone, in an instant.

* * *

_To Be Continued._

_Sorry it's short. Thanks for the feedback. _


	5. Chapter 5

_November 2, 1998_

I've been going through this date my entire life. Every year it just seems to get harder and harder to deal with. I look over at Adam and swallow hard as he pours himself a bowl of cereal and he glances up at me and gives me the same nervous look he always gives me.

I mean, Adam knows about what happened, but not enough for it to all make sense. Back then it was just me and Sam, we had no idea about Adam at the time and dad obviously wasn't planning on telling us about him. Not until the damage was done anyways.

Dad came back in about midnight last night. He woke me up slamming the door and I could smell the whiskey off of him as he walked past me door. That's how he deals every year.

"You ready?" I ask Adam when I see him take the last bite of cereal from his bowl.

He nods and reaches for his backpack before looking back up at me again. "Maybe you should stay home today...You know?" He says softly. It's a nice offer and I would gladly take him up on it, but the reality is, I just can't.

"I'm alright." I tell him and give him a little smile and reach for my things, but stop short when I hear dad call my name.

"Go wait in the car." I tell Adam and he nods before walking out the door. I stand up and walk back to dad's room and slowly open the door. The smell of whiskey hits me and I wince.

"Dad?"

He's sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands and it takes him a minute before he looks up at me, and when he does, he pulls me down and wraps me in a hug.

"Watch out for your brother." He whispers in my ear. I don't know why he's telling me that, it's fucking drilled into my head anyways.

"Okay dad." I tell him and sigh.

"I can't take you or Adam killing yourself. I can't, I won't..." He goes on saying.

"Bye, dad." I say and pull away from him. It's the whiskey talking, I have to remind myself that. Dad would never bring Sam up like that so blunt if he was sober.

Adam's waiting in the car when I walk outside. I thank god for that, I'm glad he wasn't just in there with me and dad.

"Dad okay?" He asks when I get in and shut the door.

"He's...alright." I say and turn the key in the ignition. "Not really. Today is just hard." I add and pull onto the road.

I see him nod from the corner of my eye and I sigh. When did things get so hard anyways?

* * *

"Dean."

I look up from my locker and notice Ryan, one of the few friends that I've actually made while being here, walking up towards me smiling. He's alright, I've had worse friends from my lifetime.

"Hey." I say and give him a little smile and try and think about what I need for next class. What class do I even have next? My mind is in a haze.

"Math."

I look up at him and give him a confused look. "What?"

He tilts his head at me and grabs my math book out of my locker and hands it to me. "That's what you need."

Am I thinking out loud now?

"Thanks." I mumble and take it.

He nods and lets his eyes wonder towards my locker door. I've got a picture of Sam up there that I just can't even bring myself to take down.

"Your brother?"

Ryan doesn't know about what happened. He knows I've got two brothers and he's seen Adam before, but he's never asked about Sam. I should be glad about that.

"Sam." I tell him and he nods. "He killed himself little over a year ago."

His face turns stone and the color drains from it. I probably shouldn't have told him like that, but hey spur of the moment kind of thing.

"Dean..." He says and shakes his head. "I'm sorry... You really didn't have too..."

"I did. Now you know." I tell him.

It just got awkward.

"Uhh...Okay. So I'll see you in class." He tells me and walks away fast. I smirk because I like the feeling that just gave me. Total control.

"Yeah. See you." I mumble and shut my locker.

* * *

I should probably mention, that dad gets real wasted every year when it comes to this date. Adam knows it too but apparently he took it way too far this year because when I'm working on my car later on when we get home, Adam comes running outside and is freakin bawling his eyes out and is trying to tell me something but I can't make any sense of it.

But I finally catch "Dad won't wake up."

I tell him to go to my room and to stay there before making a dead run into dad's room. He's on the bed, and I can see that he's breathing, but when this shit scares Adam, I know it's been too much.

I grab the bottle of whiskey off the side table and pour it down the sink. Dad doesn't stir but years of this tell me he's gonna be fine.

"What are we supposed to do if you drink yourself to death?" I ask him. I get no answer of course, so I just slam the door on my way out and walk into my room.

"Is he...?" Adam asks from my bed.

"No." I answer. _But he might as well be. _"He'll be alright. I'll call Bobby later and he can come over and deal with him." I tell him and sit down next to him. He just nods and sniffs.

"Mrs. Simms tried to get me to talk again." He finally says after a moment of silence.

"That's her job Adam." I tell him and place my hand on his head.

"I don't like it. It's stupid."

"I know."

"Why is talking about it gonna help? Why does everyone think that?" He asks and looks up at me.

"I really wish I had an answer for you." I tell him. "I really do."

"I miss him." He leans into me and I wrap my arms around him. "I know it's a bad day for you and dad, but it's bad for me too. Just like every other day. I miss Sam."

I can't even begin to wrap my head around all of this. It aches and it just fucking kills me.

"I know." I tell him. "I miss Sam too."

* * *

_TBC._

_It's bad, but it's something :P _


	6. Chapter 6

_November 1998, 2 days before Thanksgiving._

I see Sam a lot. It's just been real recently too, for some weird reason.

Sometimes I'm just sitting around at the house and I can see a figure in the corner of my eye. I know it's him, I mean, who else could it be?

Like right now, he's sitting on the side of Mrs. Simms desk, looking at me as she's talking to me and asking me personal questions.

"Your friend came to me and told me you told him what happened. Is that true Dean?" She asks and folds her hands down on her desk and looks at me with sympathy filled eyed. Something I hate.

Sam scowls at me, and I look back at her and ignore him. "Yeah."

I should have known Ryan would have went to her because he's a good guy like that and he obviously worries.

_I guess there's a reason why you weren't creamated. _ I think and glare over at Sam and he smirks at me. Little shithead.

"Shot himself." I finally say after a minute and look down at the floor. I shouldn't have to feel bad about saying anything, I told my friend with no problem right? By the time I'm looking back up, she's giving me a concerned look and Sam is glaring at me.

"Point blank." I add and grab my stuff. "Later."

She calls after me but I just walk faster to the bathroom and I'm relieved when I find it completely empty. I need to relax, this is normal right? Dad sees this kind of shit all the time when he's off on hunts.

I splash cold water on my face and when I look up at the mirror, there's words written on it it black marker and Sam's looking at me through the mirror behind me.

_Why'd you tell them? _

I scoff and get a paper towel and wet it. "Why'd you leave me?"

_Touche _ gets written under the previous message and the marker goes back into my backpack, and just as soon as I'm finished cleaning the mirror, Sam's gone.

* * *

_November 1998, Thanksgiving day.  
_

We never used to celebrate Thanksgiving until after Sam passed. We never used to celebrate any holiday for that matter because I'd be left somewhere alone with two little brothers while dad would be off on a hunt.

Now, things are different. Last year we all went to Bobby's and had a thanksgiving dinner and pretended like everything was all fine and dandy when it really wasn't.

I think that's why Ryan invited me over for thanksgiving.

"You and your family can come over. It'd be fine, you know?" He had told me right before school let out for the break. "My mom always cooks way to much food anyways."

I smiled at him and shook my head. "Thanks, but no thanks. Holidays are hard enough. Best to keep it to ourselves."

Now I can't stop thinking about how we got through this a year ago. Our first thanksgiving without Sam.

_One Year Ago._

_"This is stupid." _Adam had told me as he had watched me put on a tie in the mirror. It was weird because he usually never talked to me before.

_"Why?" _ I had asked him. I wasn't exactly excited about going off to Bobby's either, but Adam was being real bratty about it and it was driving dad nuts.

_"We never used to have thanksgiving before. It's all because Sam isn't here isn't it? That's fucked up." _

I smiled at my baby brother cussing but I fully agreed with him. It was all fucked up that suddenly dad just wanted to change just because one of his son's were gone.

"_I know." _I'd told him. _"I know it's stupid." _

_Present.  
_

"Did you guys want anything specific before we head over to Bobby's?" Dad is asking us as he shrugs on one of his jackets. Me and Adam are sitting in the living room flipping through t.v. channels.

"No." Is my answer. He nods and glances over at Adam.

"This is stupid." Is his answer. Repeat of last year.

"Adam." Dad says and glares at him. "Don't give an attitude just because you don't like something. It was a simple question."

Adam scoffs and puts a pillow over his face. "You don't understand." He says, but it's muffled behind the pillow, but me and dad still understand what he said.

"Then talk to me." Dad says and kneels down next to the couch. "Tell me what's wrong."

I glance up and see Sam's figure hanging around behind the couch. He's leaning over and glancing between me and dad and Adam, listening in on everything.

"Sam's gone. What is there to celebrate? You think everything is just gonna go back to normal but it isn't! I'm sick and tired of it!" Adam yells and bursts into tears. Tears that make even dad wince at because they're full out _sobs._

"I don't think that. At all." Dad says softly and wraps him in a hug. "I just want to make things better for you and Dean."

"And you couldn't do that for Sam? What's so special about us?"

I run my hand through my hair and sigh. This is getting out of control and there isn't anything I can do about it.

"This is stupid!" Adam yells again and struggles to get out of dad's hold. "Let me go! To hell with you dad!" Blonde hair twisting away and looking at me for help, but I can't do anything.

"I'm sorry." Is all dad says and holds him to his chest where Adam finally gives in and goes back to crying. I look over and see Sam's parked himself next to me on the floor, and he's looking at me worried.

"You see what you did?" I say him and go back to looking at the t.v.

* * *

_TBC_

_Okay, I don't know what's going to happen next. That's why updates have been slow and I'm just playing it by ear now. Idk if I'll have Sam come back and I don't know about anything else. So just a warning :P  
_


	7. AN

_**This is being re written :) **_

_**I have other ideas that need to be worked in here, and with that saying, I need to start over with it. So stay tuned and I'll have it back up ASAP and I'll update faster. I PROMISE :D  
**_

_**Expect a name change too :)  
**_

_**xoxx**_


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